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Talk like Jack Bauer day - January 15

(humor)

How to act on Talk Like Jack Bauer Day

-Make sure to yell very simple requests.
-Take a helicopter to work.
-Issue threats that involve family members and/or body parts.
-Always mention that you're running out of time.
-Carry a manpurse. Wear aviators. Don't do drugs.
-Carry around zip ties and a pair of pliers (because you never know).
-Keep a car battery and some jumper cables on your desk.
-Use your cell phone as much as possible. If the battery dies, just pretend it's still working.
-Use at least 5 exclamation points in every email!!!!
-Ask "Who are you working for!?" to as many people as possible.
-Throw out a "Dammit" during the day, just for the hell of it.
-Drink each time you hear a co-worker say "Dammit".
-Make a mistake at work? Blame Nina Myers.
-Request everything be sent to your PDA (works best if you don't have one).
-Accuse co-workers and/or children of being moles.
-Make sure to let your co-workers catch you looking at Google Earth maps of their houses. When they ask why, tell them that you've tracked a terrorist cell to that location.

Samples
Co-worker: How was your weekend?
You: damnit Bob, we don't have time for simple questions.
Co-worker: I just asked about your weekend.
You: Dammit. Who are you working for?
Co-worker: Never mind, forget I asked.

Co-worker: Hey man. Did you already get breakfast?
You: I've killed 3 people today and no I've yet to eat breakfast. Dammit!
Co-worker: Is that a threat?
You: That's not a threat, that's a fact.

Boss: Hey, where are the reports I asked for?
(pull out stapler, move towards boss)
You: I think the question you should be asking is how are you going to read the reports after I staple your eyelids to your desk!

(If a co-worker tries to talk to you while you're using the urinal, finish up, flush, walk over to the sink, wash your hands, and remove a paper towel from the dispenser.)
You: You probably don't think that I can force this towel down your throat. But trust me, I can. All the way. Except I'd hold onto this one little bit at the end. When your stomach starts to digest it, I pull it out. Taking your stomach lining with it. For most people it would take about a week to die. It's very painful. (Reference)

Co-worker: Hey, can you cover for me? I need to run an errand.
You: Let's get one thing straight: the only reason you're still conscious is that I don't want to do your work for you.

Finally, remember that for the whole 24 hours of Talk Like Jack Bauer Day, you cannot go to the bathroom or charge a cell phone. Also, it should only take you a maximum of 3 minutes to get anywhere you are going.


More at http://blogs4bauer.blogspot.com/2007/01/talk-like-jack-bauer-day.html

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